FALLEN HEROES

Al-Fatihah

It took a while for me to recover from a sense of deep loss. May shall forever be a month of sorrow for me henceforth. Many years ago, Dad left us in May as well. Al-Fatihah.

Earlier in the month, we lost Pakcik Hassan of Al-Manar. May Allah SWT keep Arwah Pakcik among the most blessed, for here was a man who gave of himself and more. He helped countless children to be all they can be by giving tuition in Math and English in particular, far away from the madding crowd in Terengganu.

Arwah took to blogging in a very unique way. He attracted all different bloggers who also began to know each other - a thriving community met and chatted at his site Al-Manar. He was like a beacon - shining a light to all of us and in particular, I embraced this light of goodness.

Pakcik Hassan's first ever message to me in 2010 read:

Ninotaziz,
You are the first to have so many blogs running simultaneously. I have not come across another. It is a pleasure to go through a piece of writing that runs smoothly, simple and as-a-matter-of-fact and unpretentious. I am glad to have stumbled here by chance.

Pakcik had 'stumbled' upon my family journal, a blog I wrote for myself. To remember the days that mattered the most. Later on he visited my poetry blogs and other serious writing, but he was most candid here on my personal blog. At the time I was a lone writer, and I felt no one would ever read my stories or poems. But I wrote - year after year.

Pakcik encouraged me not to give up writing - ever.

It was as if he willed me to write and find myself - the writer that I was supposed to be.

It was a joy to visit Pakcik and Makcik, to walk in his garden that he loved because he loved makcik so much, to walk along the beach after subuh, to write a poem of the sea that sounded like  'tigers that roared in the night' which is now part of my novel NAGA. Terengganu also became the background to my novel NIK and the Secrets of the Sunset Ship, inspired by that beautiful Terengganu holiday.

How I miss his witty remark that would not fail to lift my spirit. Sleep well dearest Pakcik. Al-Fatihah to you who deserves thousands of Fatihah and thank yous from all of us whose lives you have touched.

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Fifteen days after the news of Arwah's passing, I was shocked to receive news of the passing of my closest friend and patriot, En Malek Rahim who since 2006 illustrated all my books. I first saw En Malek's illustrations of traditional dancers and warriors at the Butterfly Park gift shop and contacted him. We began work almost immediately on Hikayat - it took 6 years before Hikayat was published. This was followed by Srikandi, then Naga, Nik and Siti.

I would list the artwork required for each book, and En Malek would begin work. We would discuss each illustration in detail and work like this exchanging ideas back and forth until we are both satisfied.

He was so patient and dedicated. In 2013 we did a storytelling session together at KDU and kids drew princesses and nagas and sang kancil in the style we have painstakingly developed over the years.

In May, we had just begun work on Kirana, my latest novel. I looked forward to our discussions at the end of the day, the creative discourse, the sudden inspiration, the starting over when we were unhappy with what we have. En Malek  supported my work and believed in me. He was always pushing me forward to take my place as writer. Reticent with media, I was determined En Malek's work for me would be recognized.

And now, the gentle, kind and beautiful soul has left us. He is in a better place I am sure.

Al-Fatihah.


May is the sorrowful month
When fallen heroes say farewell
I am left, bereft

To carry on

Written in May, 2016